Watching a parent change because of dementia is one of the hardest things a family goes through. With the right routines, a safer home and support for yourself, many people living with dementia can stay at home comfortably for a long time.
Recognising the early signs
Dementia is more than ordinary forgetfulness. Early signs often include repeating the same questions, getting lost on familiar routes, trouble handling money, misplacing things in unusual places, and changes in mood or personality. If you notice these, book an appointment with a doctor. Some causes of memory problems, such as vitamin deficiencies, infections or medication side effects, can be treated.
Keep the day predictable
Routine reduces confusion and anxiety. Try to keep meals, bathing, walks and bedtime at the same times each day. Familiar activities help too: listening to old music, sorting beans, looking at family photos, a short walk around the compound, or prayer at the usual time.
Changes in routine, such as visitors, travel or a new caregiver, are easier when introduced slowly and explained simply.
Make the home safer
- Remove loose rugs and clutter from walkways to prevent falls.
- Add night lights between the bedroom and the toilet.
- Turn off the gas at the cylinder when the kitchen is not in use, and store knives and medicines out of reach.
- Keep the gate locked and let the askari and neighbours know your parent may wander.
- Put a card with your phone number in their pocket or bag.
- Label cupboards and doors with simple words or pictures.
Communicating with kindness
Speak slowly, in short sentences, and ask one question at a time. Use their name and make eye contact. Avoid arguing or correcting when they are confused about the time or who someone is. Gently steering the conversation elsewhere works better than insisting on the facts. Many families find their parent responds best in their first language.
Handling difficult moments
Restlessness in the late afternoon and evening, sometimes called sundowning, is common. Keep evenings calm, close the curtains before dark, reduce noise and avoid caffeine later in the day. If your parent becomes agitated, look for a cause first: pain, hunger, needing the toilet, feeling cold or being overwhelmed.
Look after yourself too
Caregiver burnout is real. Share the load among siblings, including those abroad who can contribute in other ways. Take regular breaks, keep up your own health appointments and talk to people who understand. Asking for help is not failing your parent. It is how you keep caring for them.
When to bring in a trained caregiver
Consider professional help when your parent can no longer be left alone safely, needs help with bathing or toileting, is waking and wandering at night, or when family caregivers are exhausted. A caregiver with dementia experience keeps routines steady and responds calmly to confusion, while you get to be a son or daughter again.
